Sam Venable 

Department of Irony

After four months in purgatory, my truck is about to regain its soul. The transition will occur precisely at 3 a.m. on March 13. Not so coincidentally, that’s when Daylight Saving Time kicks off for 2022.

Last November, when the 2021 edition of DST came to an end, I attempted to adjust my truck’s clock accordingly. I tried to make it “fall back” one hour. I was not successful. 

Nothing new here. My truck and I engage in the same frustrating exercise twice annually. 

It’s because the steering wheel and dashboard of this 4-wheel-drive beast looks like the control panel of a 747. There are more knobs, buttons, widgets and blinking indicators than I could decipher in four lifetimes. If Henry Ford could’ve foreseen this insanity, he would have quit after the Model T and sold shoes, door-to-door, the rest of his life. 

Just a few fer’instances: 

There is a button called “Cat/Fold.” This is of no use to me because I don’t own a cat. Even if I did, I wouldn’t fold the poor thing. 

Check out this one: “Set up.” Does this have anything to do with mixers for liquor? If so, it is totally unnecessary. It’s against the law to drink and drive, for Pete’s sake. Besides, I don’t mix my hooch with anything except maybe a splash of water. 

 One more: “Sync line in.” Huh? Is this fishing line? A clothesline? What it’s supposed to sync with? 

Phooey on all of them! All I want is a simple button for AC/heat and a fan to blow either, plus a button for 2-wheel high, 4-wheel high and 4-wheel low. Is this too much to ask? 

But back to clock-setting. Here, step-by-step, is how the silly exercise plays out twice a year. 

  1. I sit behind the wheel and push the button that says “Clock #.” 

  2. The time on the clock face blinks, but there’s no way to adjust it. 

  3. I begin twisting dials and pushing buttons at random. The windshield wipers start flopping back and forth. Or else the horn blows. Or a voice comes on offering me “Sirius” or “On Star.” 

  4. I slide out of the cab, angrily slam the door and beg my computer guru wife to change the clock for me. 

  5. Mary Ann pushes a button or two and — shazam, just like that — the clock is fixed. It’s witchcraft, I tell you. 

But last November, I said to hell with the entire process. I kept the clock on 2021’s DST. Thus, for the last four months, it has remained one hour ahead of the rest of the world. 

Yes, there might be a short “DST unlearning curve” for me over the next couple of weeks. I can imagine driving to an appointment, thinking I’ve got an hour to spare, then realizing the clock is telling the truth and I’m running late. 

Big deal. Nobody expects me to be on time anyway. 


Sam Venable is an author, comedic entertainer, and humor columnist for the Knoxville (TN) News Sentinel. His latest book is “The Joke’s on YOU! (All I Did Was Clean Out My Files).” He may be reached at sam.venable@outlook.com.